Day of Atonement

GOSSIP. In case you hadn’t heard, O.J. Simpson landed in the soup this week­end. Yawn. Is it really news when crazy acts crazy? We say thee nay. So, inspired by the upcom­ing knife-in-the-eyeball kind of headache this all-Juice news cycle is giving us, we turn our attention to the upcoming Yom Kippur holiday. Yom Kippur, for you goyum, is the Jewish day of atonement (and if Madonna can pretend to be Jewish, so can everyone). With that, we look at who needs to be purified.

Britney Spears
Forget for a moment that she’s not exactly the mother of the year. Spears needs to atone for making Perez Hilton so darn upset.

Sharon Osbourne
When Sharon Osbourne called out Courtney Love recently for hooking her son, Jack Osbourne, on OxyContin, she was just doing what a mama bear was supposed to do — take care of her cub, right? Wrong. All she was doing was passing the buck. If Mrs. Ozzy hadn’t turned her kids into reality TV stars in their teens, maybe they wouldn’t have both landed in rehab before they hit 20.

50 Cent
Fiddy promised to retire from solo recording if Kanye West’s new album outsold his in the first week out. But with West’s “Graduation” projected to best his “Curtis” by 200,000 copies, the rapper back-tracked, saying instead of retiring he’d release a new album to go head-to-head with every future major release from West’s label. Lying, of course, is a sin — meaning Fiddy would do well to get some serious atonement action.

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